HOW TO BE AN ASTRONAUT!!!

OK, so you've decided that traveling through space is what you want to do more than anything in the whole world!  Well who can blame you?  Traveling through space is one of the coolest things people do! EVERYONE wants to travel through space! So how are you going to do it? First you'll have to become an ASTRONAUT!  An astronaut is someone that travels through space and there are many, many famous astronauts in the history of the whole world!

Here are just a few of the more famous space travelers. Do you know them?

FAMOUS SPACE TRAVELERS!!!

And this is where they travel.

SPACE!!!

It's called 'SPACE" because that's what it is...SPACE!!!  Just lots and lots of space with nothing in it.  It's like a giant cupboard that just goes on for ever and ever and ever!  And remember, in space you never have to walk the dog or take out the garbage!  Think of all the fun you can have out THERE!


So let's get started.  Space...HERE WE COME!!!

• You'll need a really shiny metal kind of suit.  Aluminum foil should do the trick.  Put on a thick snow-suit, boots and gloves then wrap the foil all around you but DON'T COVER YOUR HEAD!  You should look nice and bulky and all the lights should shine off of you.  (If anyone asks "what happened to all the tin foil?" just say you were wrapping sandwiches)

• Now you're going to need a helmet.  Look around the house for a fish-bowl (the bigger the better but make sure it's unbreakable plastic and NOT GLASS!!!).  Put the fish bowl on your head but remember to empty out the water and the fish first!  Fish don't like being in space...it makes them swim funny.  The bowl will probably wobble around a bit but you can hold it on with a small strip of tape (DON'T USE GLUE OR NAILS!!!).

YOU'RE READY FOR SPACE!!!

So what are we going to need now? A ROCKET!!!  A 'ROCKET' is what space travelers use to travel in space!  It's a big metal tube with engines and lots and lots of fuel (we'll discuss THAT part later) and it looks like this:

SPACE ROCKET!!!

These are really, really big so it's probably best to improvise at first.  Find a large, round plastic garbage can (large enough for you to fit inside it with lots of room to move around) and cut out the bottom of it and wrap it all up in more tin foil (if anyone asks "what happened to the bottom of the garbage can?" just say you were wrapping sandwiches). Now you have a ROCKET!!!  Of course your 'rocket' will need FUEL and this is where it gets tricky.  I don't recommend using anything from Dad's garage or from the cupboard under the kitchen sink so we'll just have to improvise.  My suggestion?  WHOOPEE CUSHIONS!!!  YES, Whoopee Cushions!  Get a whole bunch of Whoopee Cushions (at least 50) and blow them all up.  After they're all blown up just put them to the side...we'll need them later for LIFT-OFF!!!

Now where are we going to travel to in space?  I know!  The MOON!!!  Everybody likes to go to the MOON!!!

This is the MOON:

THE MOON!!!

Ready?  Time to BLAST-OFF and here's how!

1. Set up the garbage can with the cut-out bottom in the middle of an open field (backyard will do) as we don't want anyone getting hurt from the blast-off.
2. Throw all of the inflated Whoopee Cushions into the bottom of the garbage can with the 'nozzle' parts sticking out at the bottom of the can.
3. With your space-suit and helmet on...JUMP INTO THE CAN!!!

FLAAARRRRRPPPPP!!!!!!!

We have LIFT-OFF!!!!!

Next stop...THE MOON!!!