Are there any more wonderful words in our language? NO!!! Eating is FUN and the only thing MORE fun than eating is COOKING!!! Do you know what you call a person that cooks? CHEF!!! That's right, a CHEF! Granted that sometimes we call them 'mom' or 'Julie' (that's the teenager that comes in occasionally to look after you and cook your dinner because your parents are out having fun at some 'function' and can't be bothered staying at home to give you the kind of attention you deserve because it's ALL ABOUT THEM and they're more than willing to leave you in the hands of some hormonally-challenged pubescent who cares about nothing more than boys and weird sounding music and who keeps calling you 'kid' or 'little brat' or 'monster' and...sorry...I digress...this is supposed to be about YOU and not me).
Being a CHEF is a wonderful thing to do with your life. You get to make up all kinds of strange, fancy meals and serve them to your friends and family. It could be breakfast, lunch, dinner or even a simple snack! A chef is always ready and willing to make the food!
Here are just a few of the more famous chefs in history. They ALL made (and make) GREAT STUFF!!!:
PART 1!!!
Now, what are you going to need to be a CHEF? You're going to need: oven mitts, kitchen utensils and an apron. Yep...an APRON! If you can't find an apron lying around then you can easily MAKE ONE! Just get one of those really nice towels that mommy has in the 'linen closet' (she won't mind at all because you are going to be a great chef!), cut a hole in the middle of it and VOILA! An APRON! And if you can't find 'oven mitts' anywhere then there's always those nice leather gloves that dad got for Christmas last year but never wears unless it's cold outside and since it's not cold outside right now then go ahead and use them!!! He won't mind. Once you have everything you need you should look something like this:
And now...UTENSILS!!! You'll find all the utensils you'll need in that kitchen drawer which is used for holding all of the utensils in the kitchen. That drawer should look something like this (sorry about the mouse...I have no control over it):
So ... oven mitts? CHECK! Apron? CHECK! Utensils? CHECK!
NOW we need something to COOK! What kind of fancy meal are we going to prepare? Maybe one of these?:
Well, those are a little bit complicated for our first try and who wants to spend all day at the butcher shop anyways asking silly questions like "have you got anything leaner?" so let's make it something simple. Let's try THIS instead!!! (trust me...it's a LOT easier and just as tasty!!!):
Just open up the can and pour all the contents into a big metal pot that you can place on the stove and heat up until it's nice and warm and ready to eat! You can find a pot in one of those big cupboards under the sink. There will probably be all kinds of pots in all kinds of sizes so pick one that's not too big and not too small. If by any chance you find any bottles with words like 'VODKA' or 'RUM' printed on them please contact me with a private message and we can work out some way for you to send them to me because that is stuff that SHOULD NOT be in the kitchen cupboard and your parents will be so glad that you got rid of it for them. Your pot of food on the stove should look something like this:
Now you're going to need something to stir the chili with. A SPOON! You have your choice of two different kinds of spoon...a metal spoon or a wooden spoon. I'd recommend the METAL spoon for the chili and the WOODEN spoon for hitting that mouse that likes hanging around in the utensil drawer (I have no control over it). Wooden spoons always make me think of that time my parents got mad at me for experimenting with dog poop in the blender but again...this is about YOU and not me. Here are your spoons:
Now stir the chili in the pot with your spoon because you don't want it sticking to the sides and getting all black and crusty. And remember to taste it every few minutes so you'll know it's not getting TOO HOT!!!
Once you think it's ready to eat then pour it all into a bowl and put it on the dining room table where the WHOLE FAMILY can enjoy it! They will be so proud of you for making their dinner! And if they don't like chili then just make them one of these! Easy to make and really good too!
So now you are a CHEF!!! Pretty soon your family will be inviting all their friends over for you to make them dinner! That will be so much fun, won't it? Of COURSE it will!
So now for PART 2!!! This is where you learn how to be a FAMOUS chef and it's really very simple!
Just do everything you did before except THIS time DO IT ON TV!!! And change your apron...and wear a hat.
ENJOY YOUR SUCCESS!!!
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