HOW TO BE A TOURIST!!!

I know, I know.  You're asking "What is a tourist and why would I want to be a tourist?".  Well let me tell you!

A tourist is someone that travels all over the world!!!  That's right! ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!

Not only do they get to travel all over the world but they don't even have to work or anything when they get there!  They can just put their feet up and relax and sit by the pool and write postcards to everybody!  Now doesn't THAT sound like fun?

This is what a 'POSTCARD' looks like.

A POSTCARD!!!

You can write all kinds of great things on the back of a postcard like what you had for breakfast, what you had for lunch, what you had for dinner, how many people were in the pool and how you need money sent so that you can get out of jail because that gesture you made to a local police officer was NOT what you thought it was.





Of course the most important thing to remember about being a TOURIST is that people everywhere are different from people everywhere else so don't think that it's like going to visit the grandparents (even though they really ARE different from everyone else and they have pictures on their walls to prove it).  They are SO different that many of them actually speak in different languages!!!  Isn't THAT exciting?  Yes!  It is!

And you should always remember to be nice.  Being nice is probably the most important thing that a tourist can be otherwise bad things can happen such as DISAPPEARING.  'Disappearing' is when nobody knows where you are anymore and all your neat stuff ends up at local church auctions.  We don't want that now do we?  No, we don't.

The next most important thing to remember about being a 'TOURIST' is how to dress.  Just like languages, people everywhere usually dress differently so it's important that you wear clothing that really makes you stand out in a crowd.  Loud colors like yellow and orange and bright greens are good or you could just wear the traditional tourist uniform of a Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts and they look like this:

YOUR TOURIST UNIFORM!!!

Once you have your uniform assembled there's one more important item that you are going to need.  A CAMERA!!!  A tourist is NOTHING without a camera and you have MANY to choose from!  Here are just a few of the recommended tourist cameras so pick one and we're almost ready to travel!

Last, but not least, you are going to need a PASSPORT.  A 'PASSPORT' is a little book with your picture in it and all kinds of details about you so that if you were ever to DISAPPEAR on one of your trips your parents would be notified in time for the next church auction.  Can't be too careful!!!  Since getting a passport can be very difficult and time-consuming we recommend you just stick a picture of yourself inside a couple of sheets of thin cardboard and write the word "PASSPORT" on the front of it.  Trust me, it's just as good as the real thing!

Tourists like to travel.  This is a fact.  Nobody knows why but they do.  So you are going to TRAVEL!  And while you travel you will take pictures!  Lots and lots of pictures!  Pictures of bridges, churches, buses, outdoor cafes and all kinds of interesting things that you will never see in your hometown!

So now that we have our 'tourist uniform', our 'passport' and our 'camera' ... LET'S TRAVEL!!!

Get a map.  You're going to need a map.  You can find all kinds of maps at your local 'TRAVEL AGENCY'.  They ALWAYS have maps so just go in and take a bunch.  They'll love you just for coming in to see them!  They'll have them all laid out in a rack so feel free to take as many as you like!

TOURIST MAPS!!!

So where do we want to go?  I know...we don't have any money and travel is NOT CHEAP!!!  So, let's do the next best thing!  Look for someone in your neighborhood that's just a little different from you.  Someone who might be from France or Japan or England or Australia or maybe even Canada!  All of them are different and saying HELLO to them will be just like visiting another country!

Take your passport and camera and visit them!  Tell them you are a tourist and you're going to take some pictures for everyone back home so that they will be able to share in your adventures when you return!  They will be happy to greet you in their native languages and wish you many good things.  Some may even introduce you to their special foods!!!

Show them your passport, take a few pictures and then go home to tell the folks about your adventure.

So now you are a TOURIST!!!

I hope you had fun seeing the world and don't forget to send me a POSTCARD!!!